Figured this journal deserved it's own post.
Final Journal Entry April
29th, 2012
I’ve been home now for 24 hours and the
experience still has yet to sink in. I found myself not wanting to walk away at
12:00 from some of the most amazing people I have met. I slowly made my way to
my car where I slowly took off my backpack, unzipped my jacket and hesitated to
sit in the seat. It was a strange feeling just walking away from everything and
everyone I have known for the last five days. I sat in my car and as I made my
way home the past 120 hours played out in my head. The funny moments, the sad
moments, the life changing moments all accompanied with the feeling of
accomplishment.
One of the most common questions asked when
speaking about going home was “what will you do first?” All along I was set on
sleep; I was walking in the door and going stright to bed. I still hadn’t
wrapped my head around the experience and I was eager to see what the community
had been saying about the campaign and I wanted to know what the other
participants had been writing in their journals. There was so much to catch up
on so sleep was out of the question, I did the next best thing; shower.
As the hot water hit my face and ran over the
rest of me I asked myself when was the last time some of the people we met had
the privilege of taking a shower. When was the last time they took a warm face
cloth to their face or had the opportunity to cut their nails and clean out
their ears? When was the last time they placed clean clothes upon their back?
All the simple things in life we as people take for granted. We take for
granted the clean running water from a shower head or bath tub faucet. We
probably rarely think about the young person who is ‘washing’ in the Tim Horton’s
sink or look down on the street people for looking so dirty.
I was mixed with emotions, both positive and
negative and yet I still couldn’t wrap my head completely around what I was
feeling. I was sad to walk away from my Sleep Out family but I was thankful for
everything I came home to. My longed after face clothe, my many changes of
clothes and a fridge full of food that I loved other than yogurt.
I found myself really cold and constantly wrapped
up in a blanket. I was at the point where if I spent any more days and nights
on the street I would have come down with the flu. I could feel myself begging
to get sick, a change from earlier on in the week. By Wednesday my body had
adapted to the outside weather. I couldn’t be inside for longer than half hour
without being super warm and feeling really tired. It was like I had sunburn
all over my body. My face got wind burned for the first time ever in my life,
something I had only heard about and never really believed it was a real thing.
Little did I know it was?
After an hour nap I got up and made my way to
the grocery store to get some much needed groceries. I found myself looking
through the cupboards and not being able to find anything to fill the void. As
I drove the five minute drive to Dominion I found myself overwhelmed with
emotion. When was the last time one of the guys we had met on the street walked
into the local grocery store with a pocket full of money and had the
opportunity to purchase anything their heart desired? I walked in the door and
I never made it to the lettuce before I began to break down. My heart just
broke for the people we had met and the people who would never have the
opportunity I was about to have. The opportunity I have at least once a month. As
I made my way through the grocery store waking up and down the aisles the past
five days played out in my head yet again. I fought so hard to hold back the
tears wanting so bad to run down my cheeks. It was undoubtedly one of the
hardest moments I had faced in the past five days. The experience was that much
more difficult because now I was on my own. I didn’t have anyone from my newly made
family to get me through it. There was no one there who would even remotely
understand what I was feeling.
I finally made my way to bed and woke the
next morning to snow on the ground. I was thankful to be inside in my sheltered
bed and thought about those people we had met who’s only shelter from the snow
was probably a cardboard box. Did they sleep? Were they cold?
If I were to put one word on the Sleep Out
120 experience it would be humbling. It really helps you appreciate the small
things in life and not take for granted the things you have and the things you
are able to access. It is the people in life that are important not your
possessions. You learn to not sweat the small stuff because it can always be
much worse than it currently is. I would highly recommend the opportunity to
everyone. Another significant word for me would be difference. We as a team
worked to make a difference in the lives of the youth at risk and the youth in
need. I know the 120 hours we spent raising awareness and collecting money will
make a difference in the lives of others.
The connects I have made with the people I
have spent 120 hours with is something that cannot be replaced. We are forever
connected by our experience. I wouldn’t trade one person in our group for the
world, we all added something different and I give
props to Ashley for choosing such a passionate and caring group of people. Each
and every one of us adds something special to the group.
I am thankful for the friendships I have made
and I am so very thankful for
the 8 others I have had the privilege to spend the past 5 days with. I thank
Ashley for working her butt off for the last eight months and for being a true
superstar. You are the perfect mother hen and I am so very honored you chose me
to be one of your little chicks. I thank my fellow 120 hour participants, the
24 hour participants, my family and friends, the public, the committee, the
homeless and less fortunate for sharing their stomping grounds with us, the
media for the amazing amount of coverage but most importantly I thank the
community for being so supportive to both the campaign and the youth in need.
You all have made such a difference!!
-Kayla
“There are no hopeless situations, only
people who are hopeless about them” – Dinha shore
